Monkey Whizz Quest Diagnostics 2019
Jun 03, 2019 Quest Diagnostics said the personal information of 11.9 million customers has potentially been compromised. Quest Diagnostics said the personal information of 11.9 million customers has.
This review was last updated in March 2020.
Contents
Before we get into this article about fake urine reviews in 2019, we get it. You’ve just crushed an interview for a cushy new job, and you’re feeling pretty good about your odds of getting hired. In fact, you feel so confident you’re already working out how to spend your first paycheck.
Ka-ching! Dollar signs in your eyes.
As the interviewer shakes your hand and practically begs you to take the job (okay, maybe they don’t beg you...but that’s what it feels like because you NAILED that interview), they give the one line you’ve been dreading — “Just one easy urinalysis drug test and the job’s all yours! You can take it now.”
Your eyes might go a little wide in panic for a second, but you quickly collect yourself, smile and nod in false-confidence. I mean, yeah, you want the job - but not at the expense of your lifestyle, right?
The interviewer is none the wiser, but you’re left walking away wonderinghow the hell you’re going to pass an emergency piss assessment without any warning. That’s where we’ve got your back, so don't sweat it.
Whether you just had a fantastic weekend, or appreciate a little daily wake-and-bake, you know that this stuff stays in your system for days, if not weeks, and can be easily identified in standard human urine tests. Just watch out for that one...
In order to land this hot new gig, you CANNOT risk failing the drug assessment. Don’t worry man; we’ve tried this (a LOT) - you’re totally fine. With a little preparation, you don’t have to sacrifice your lifestyle to pass a urine drug test at work. There are tons of ways to get around this problem (read: fake pee).
Here’s the deal:
Most people have learned already that pee detox kits don't consistently work in filtering your body and are not reliable. Luckily, there is an alternative. There's a whole range of fake urine products that is available for purchase. That synthetic pee can pass 100% of the time.
This thing has been popularized as of late because of the rise of drug use in so many different countries. People all over the world are looking for solutions left and right, and right now, this is the best synthetic pee to a mandatory drug test urinalysis.
Feeling a little skeptical (with an underlying sense of hope) at the thought of using a synthetic urine kit?. We can’t blame you. There is a ton of shady information about synthetic urine out there, and we’re sad to report that the majority is complete bullshit that you need to filter out. But for the sake of helping you out, we will give you the whole truth and nothing but the truth about the effectiveness of these synthetic urine brands [1] that are so popular right now on the market. We will show you which one is the best synthetic urine on the market today.
This is the exact and only reason why this synthetic urine page exists.
Synthetic urine is the only sure-fire way to pass a drug test.
Luckily for you, we’re here to wade through all the important things, but more so, to help you pass your next urine drug test test. Take a second, get educated, and enjoy. Here’s what you need to know about the best synthetic urine brands.
How Does Synthetic Urine Work Against A Standard Drug Test?
Here’s the stoner answer: A synthetic urine test kit is essentially a system that provides you with a fake urine sample. That’s it.
So how does it work? Simply put, the best synthetic urine brands mimic your body’s natural human urine, but without the toxins or drugs. Now, we know this sounds kind of disgusting, but let’s be honest, it’s a hell of a lot cleaner than your actual piss even if you filter it.
As you can imagine, labs around the world are constantly upgrading their testing processes and making new developments in the hopes of detecting fake urine samples, among other things. What we do know for sure is that these laboratory drug tests still actively look for uric acid levels.
Can Labs Detect Synthetic Urine?
The best synthetic urine brands will mimic uric acid, allowing you to pass your piss assessment with flying colors (mostly yellow). Uric acid is an indicator of your kidney function, so having no uric acid in your urine is definitely a red flag.
It is important to note that the best synthetic urine kits absolutely work, especially if they contain uric acid, but you have to do it RIGHT for it to be guaranteed to work. Which is why we’ve created a pretty simple guide to making sure you don’t mess it up.
If you’ve ever taken a regular urine sample in your life before — you know, the one where you have to pee into a clean cup and try not to piss all over your hands — then you know your pee comes out warm.
Many users are trying to hide traces of cocaine, marijuana, nicotine, opiates or even alcohol when passing a urinalysis drug test. Depending on when you took the substance, the detection time will vary. That's why choosing the right synthetic urine is crucial.
Resource #1: Here's a Chart Representing Drug Detection Times
Every substance that enters your body must go through the natural process of metabolism. Whether it's alcohol, cannabis, or any other type of drug, it leaves traces in your urine and blood. Once a substance is ingested, it will have a detection period where it will show up in a drug screen or a urine drug test.
Certain factors can influence the time frame such as age, body fat, the frequency of use and physical condition. So, if your best buddy passed their drug test after smoking some pot last week, it does not automatically mean you will pass, as everyone has different detection times.
Underestimating how long the drug stays in your system, is one of the main reasons why most people fail their drug tests.
Urine and blood tests are by far the most common used by employees as they can detect a wide variety of drugs. This is why synthetic urine has become so popular. It ensures no matter what drug you have taken; it won't show up in a standard laboratory drug test.
Resource #2: Lab Testing Fact... Water doesn't help
Drinking lots of water before the test will not help you pass the test. Many users believe they can cheat the test [2] by trying to dilute their urine before the test, but it has very little impact. I advise you not to try that method.
How to Prepare for a Test Using Synthetic Urine:
Once you’ve got your hands on a good synthetic urine kit, it is crucial that you only mix the product right before you are about to drop your sample off at the lab. If it’s unsupervised, you’re golden - easy peasy.
If you have to take a urinalysis in front of a witness or at the lab itself, then scroll further down to learn the top ways on how to hide synthetic urine on assessment day.
As we mentioned before, the temperature of your fake urine is key. If you can take the fake urine kit at home and then drop it off, place the mixture containing your synthetic urine in the microwave for 10-15 seconds.
To keep the synthetic urine feeling fresh and warm, keep it wrapped in a heating pad to maintain the right temperature. Standard urine samples are between 94-100°F. This may sound absurd, but just remember, synthetic urine is, well, fake. Most legit synthetic urine brands come with instructions and a special heating pad to make sure you do it right.
Store it in your pocket or bag, one that is big enough to hide a small warming pad discreetly, and then hand it off to the lab technician as quickly as possible. Synthetic urine will cool off much faster than the real stuff, so keep this in mind. Usually, with the best synthetic urine brands, you’ve got about 6 hours of leeway time.
Q: How Long is Synthetic Urine Good For?
Not sure how long your clean pee will last? Fair question.
High-quality synthetic urine brands can last up to two years, as long as it has not been opened. Once you open the bag and create the mixture, you have very little time to use it before your results can be compromised.
Again, it all depends on the brand you choose, so going the higher end is better than cheaping out and paying the consequences later. It’s worth it.
If you don’t intend on using your synthetic urine kit right away, be sure to store the unused kit at room temperature and in a dark spot, away from any direct sunlight. Excessive heat or direct sunlight can affect the pH balance of your synthetic urine and affect your results when you do go to use it.
Q: Can Fake Piss or Synthetic Products Be Detected Easily?
There are a number of synthetic urine reviews out there that claim that it's impossible for fake urine to be detected by a lab test, but that's not true. The short answer is yes; it can get detected. BUT - if you do this correctly, you CAN fake a piss exam.
Okay, so that’s not what you want to hear, but here’s the thing, if you don’t buy quality synthetic urine, store it correctly in its bag, and follow the instructions perfectly, of course, it can be detected.
Fun fact though, drug testing labs use synthetic urine to calibrate their urine screening equipment, so when used correctly, it is easy to trick the system. Just make sure you follow the instructions on the package EXACTLY.
Q: How to Use Synthetic Urine Properly?
I'm sure that this question has gone through your head a few times, and you might still be unsure how to use synthetic urine to get through your upcoming urinalysis. Well, the synthetic urine alone is half the battle when it comes to beating the drug test machines.[3] Once you have bought a synthetic urine kit that works, the next thing that you need is a urination device that will pass for the real thing. It doesn't matter how good your pee is, without a working urination device, it won't get through a supervised urinalysis drug test. The most popular ones today that you can use to carry your synthetic urine are Monkey Whizz and Monkey Dong.
Q: How Many Ounces of Urine Do You Need?
By law, you are only required to submit two ounces of urine. Although this doesn't necessarily mean that a nosey official won't ask you to submit more than that. This could potentially be an issue if you only brought two ounces of fake pee, which is why we always recommend buying the bigger size, which is three ounces.
Q: Is there Unisex Synthetic Urine Available?
You may be wondering if all synthetic urine kits work for both men and women. It’snot a stupid question - chicks and dudes pee differently, right? Most synthetic urine kits are unisex, meaning they can be used safely by both girls and guys. Standard drug tests do not typically analyze for gender, meaning you are free and clear.
Actually, most drug tests are only looking for a few common elements in clean pee including pH levels, creatinine levels, uric acid, nitrate, urea, glutaraldehyde, as well as color, odor, and temperature.
Nitrates, urea and glutaraldehyde are all new compounds being checked on drug tests because they are not naturally present in pee and will automatically tip off lab technicians that your sample is fake. Uric acid, on the other hand, is always present in real human urine, so if your synthetic urine doesn’t have this compound, you’ll surely fail the drug test.
What you DO need is a delivery system that’s made for your gender. If you’re doing an unsupervised assessment, it doesn’t matter - you can just pour the synthetic urine in the clean cup. But if it’s supervised, and you're a male, you’re going to need a system like the reliable reliable Monkey Dong to fake the actual act of peeing.
Is There a Product Just For Women?
There are synthetic urine kits available on the internet that is advertised solely to women, but don’t be fooled — there is nothing outstanding or different about these products, except maybe for their price tag. Like we said, the only thing that’s going to be different for the ladies is the system to fake the actual act of taking a whiz.
Some brands have created fancy kits for dispensing pee discreetly, which is designed for males or females, but otherwise, there is no actual difference. We can’t drive home this point enough, though — you must get yourself a high-quality synthetic urine brand if you want to pass your next assessment.
They are NOT all created equal. In our experience, Clear Choice Sub Solution is the only brand of synthetic pee that has never failed a urinalysis, and quite possibly the only urine that is not detectable, which is why we consider it the best synthetic urine brand. Check out our reviews on that brand for more info.
Q: Is Powdered Synthetic Urine Good?
We get asked this question a lot, and we answer it the same way. Yes, they are effective but only up to a certain degree. Also, do you want to have your product made for you, or do you want to make it yourself? Exactly.
And, based on our reviews, research, and real-life users; it all points to the liquid-form being the more effective version. Sure, powdered synthetic urine works, but when it comes to passing drug screenings, you want something with the highest passing rate possible. That's why we suggest getting products that are liquid form like Clear Choice Sub Solution.
Q: What Are the Different Types of Drug Panels?
If you didn't know, there are different types of drug panels when it comes to testing for different substances. It is good to know which one you're going to be tested for so you can properly prepare for it. Here are the different panels and exactly what drug they test for:
| 7 Panel Urine Test | 10 Panel Urine Test | 12 Panel Urine Test |
|---|---|---|
| Marijuana | Marijuana | Marijuana |
| Opiates | Opiates | Opiates |
| Cocaine | Cocaine | Cocaine |
| PCP | PCP | PCP |
| Amphetamines | Amphetamines | Amphetamines |
| Benzodiazepines | Benzodiazepines | Benzodiazepines |
| Barbiturates | Barbiturates | Barbiturates |
| Methadone | Methadone | |
| Propoxyphene | Propoxyphene | |
| Quaaludes | Quaaludes | |
| Ecstasy/MDA | ||
| Oxycodone/Percoset |
| 7 Panel Urine Test |
|---|
| Marijuana |
| Opiates |
| Cocaine |
| PCP |
| Amphetamines |
| Benzodiazepines |
| Barbiturates |
| 10 Panel Urine Test |
|---|
| Marijuana |
| Opiates |
| Cocaine |
| PCP |
| Amphetamines |
| Benzodiazepines |
| Barbiturates |
| Methadone |
| Propoxyphene |
| Quaaludes |
| 12 Panel Urine Test |
|---|
| Marijuana |
| Opiates |
| Cocaine |
| PCP |
| Amphetamines |
| Benzodiazepines |
| Barbiturates |
| Methadone |
| Propoxyphene |
| Quaaludes |
| Ecstasy/MDA |
| Oxycodone/Percoset |
Q: Is It Possible to Make Them Yourself?
If you're asking this question, then you're probably a risk-taker, and that is fine. So to answer your question, yes, it is possible to make them yourself, but it is not that easy. And to help you out a bit more, here is our full guide on how to make your own synthetic urine. Good luck!
But to summarize our take on it, we don't think it's worth it to make these things on your own. There is just too much risk for the reward, which is saving a couple of bucks. Do you honestly think that your job is not even worth that amount of cash? Yeah, definitely give it a long thought because you're playing with fire here.
Q: Does Synthetic Urine Expire?
Yes, they do expire. Even the best ones have a shelf life of about 2 years. And that is if you keep them properly stored with the right temperature and all. Once they have hit the expiration date, they are no longer useful because their integrity has been compromised and that will cause you to fail your test.
If you're thinking about powdered synthetic urine, they have a longer shelf-life compared to liquid synthetic urine, so just watch for that!
How to Hide Fake Pee When Taking a Piss Test
So you’ve prepared your synthetic urine, it’s all warmed up and ready to go, but what do you do if you have to take the exam at a lab facility (instead of your home) or God forbid, in front of a witness?
Let’s get real for a second, the freakout part about using artificial piss is the possibility that you might get caught by detection protocols. We get it. It’s terrifying. The last thing you want is your Saturday night cocaine, marijuana or your alcohol from last night to show up. How will you explain the failed lab test?
I've been there; I once went for a truck driving job so of course, they wanted me to take a piss test (no it wasn't my dream job, but it paid the bills and who doesn't want to be paid $30 an hour to sit on their ass and just drive?). This was the first time I decided to use fake urine to pass a test, and I was so nervous.
Monkey Whizz Quest Diagnostics 2019 Schedule
I brought the pouch of artificial pee and had it carefully sitting inside my jocks. Luckily for me, this time they didn't stand in the room to witness the process, but there was nowhere to stash the evidence (the pouch) after I emptied the piss into a clean cup, and panic set in. So, as an amateur, I just popped it back in my jocks and hoped it wouldn't slip through my pants. But this is me we are talking about so of course, it did.
As I was walking out the door, the pouch fell to the floor and was in full sight, but luckily the women at the desk weren't looking, and I quickly knelt down, pretended to tie my shoelaces and swept the pouch up my sleeve, like a freaking magician! It was a lucky save, and I got the job, but this is a great story of what not to do.
Monkey Whizz For Sale
Luckily for you, we have discovered several sneaky methods for how to hide synthetic pee when taking a piss exam, so you don’t get caught. We’ve actually tested these, and they work.
Here are a few ideas for you:
- Wear a belt and attach a bag of your artificial pee to it. Some manufacturers, like Sub Solution from Clear Choice, have actually created special belts for this very job, but you don’t have to get fancy; just crafty. Depending on who is doing the exam and why it is being done, you may be asked to prove that you are not hiding anything in your pants. It’s always best to prepare for the worst, so sport your belt higher up on your torso. Place it anywhere between your navel and chest, and you should be safe.
- One of the most highly recommended places to hide your synthetic urine is by taping a satchel of it to your inner thigh. This is just enough out of range that if you are asked to pull down your pants and pull up your shirt, the tester will not see anything.
- For all the ladies out there, use the clean cup of your bra to plump up your cleavage and store your fake wee. It sounds gross - but remember, it’s fake. So no big deal.
- Get your hands on a prosthetic penis that contains a pouch full of your synthetic urine and looks very real. The Monkey Dong is our brand of choice since it’s the only one that actually looks like a real penis.
- If you feel like getting down and dirty, you can purchase small vinyl pouches that can be inserted into your no-no parts. The upside to the obvious downside is that it will keep your fake pee warm naturally, so you don’t have to worry about heating it up or trying to find a place to hide heating pads.
Our Reviews: Which is the Best Synthetic Urine?
Our #1 Choice Sub Solution
So, what is the best synthetic urine on the market? Well, first and foremost, if you're going to use self-heating synthetic urine, you need to buy a reputable brand online or near you. There are plenty of scams on the internet, but our favorite product, Clear Choice Sub Solution, has an extremely high success rate. In fact, I've never heard of it actually failing (read my Sub Solution review). It’s not surprising that tons of online reviews rave about it as the best synthetic urine because to be blunt, most synthetic urine kits out there are crappy products will most likely yield negative results, and you will not pass your urine test.
Runners Up
Other effective products are available, of course, and can work, but they also have a much higher chance of failure than our top-rated choice. We've covered these other products in full, and you can check out our opinions by visiting the links below.
These are all the best synthetic urine brands that we have today, and we will keep updating it if more brands come up in the future. Now, let's talk about money...
How Much Does it Cost?
Alright, so let’s talk cash-o-la. By now you’re probably wondering what the cost of passing your piss test is going to be and are anxiously grinding at the bit to see just how much you’ll need to invest in order to maintain your lifestyle. If your job, reputation, and livelihood are on the line, then would it really make sense not to pay whatever the cost is to get through the darn thing unscathed? Am I right?
The good news is, synthetic piss costs anywhere between $30-100+ at a sale price. Depending on the brand and type of product you buy, as well as any additional tools you may need to make it work (heating pads, vinyl pouches, fake urine belts, etc.), this can be one of the cheapest plays you can make or a wallet-busting experience. The good news is - now you’ll have this awesome job to cover it.
Where to Buy Synthetic Urine?
So, how do you get your hands on a high-quality product in stores, one that will stand up against all the current laboratory tests, and help you pass your test? Can you get it online or can you get it locally at stores or even smoke shops near you? There is only one place to go, and that is the internet. Unfortunately, there are so many copycat brands and scammers out there you really need to be careful when making your purchase.
One of the most searched terms on Google is 'best synthetic urine near me'. However, the best place to buy fake piss is directly from the manufacturer's official website. This will help you avoid fake products that you may discover on eBay or Amazon using the same brand name.
Sometimes scammers even sell EXPIRED products at a discount sale price on Amazon and eBay, which will NOT work during the exam. Don’t get ripped off - just get it straight from the source where you are guaranteed the best sale price.
As we mentioned earlier...
Choose the best synthetic urine brands that contain uric acid, one of the most commonly tested components found in real piss. The presence of uric acid in your synthetic urine is a step towards passing your drug test. You will also want to get a brand that can be heated up so you can get it to the right temperature — another tell-tale sign of fake vs real pee.
Finally, choose a top-rated product like Sub Solution from Clear Choice that has a shelf life of at least one year. This way, you don’t have to worry about using it right away or wondering whether or not it will cut the mustard on your big day.
Do not trust the ones in your local stores or smoke shops near you.
All of the information listed above should be readily available on the website of a reputable brand. If it’s not, then you should either reach out to the manufacturer or move on to something else. When it comes to using synthetic urine, you don’t want to take any more risks than you already are.
Plan ahead, do your research, and then reap the rewards of passing your piss exam. So the question 'does synthetic urine work' has certainly been answered with a hell yeah.
Synthetic urine kits may sound a little too good to be true, but the truth is, products on the market keep getting better and better, and these handy kits can really help you out of a jam. It does not matter if you have taken cocaine, alcohol or marijuana, I'm confident that you will pass your next piss assessment if you follow my lead.
Based on user reviews and my objective research, I would recommend going with the Clear Choice Sub Solution. It is considered as one of the best, if not the best synthetic urine available. You’re safe if you do it right. So if you're looking to pass a urine test in 24hrs, 2 days, 1 week or even 2 weeks, whatever your deadline is, then Sub Solution is the best synthetic urine you’re going to get your hands on this 2020.